Sunday, November 8, 2015

Difference: death of a loved one

Many people, who have helped me coping up (thank you), often told me this,
"I felt the same way when my parents die" or "when my grandfather die"

Well, I solely think that the death of a loved one, a spouse, is absolutely different from the death of family members. Well yes I do consider Willy as a part of my family but it's different. At some point in our lives, we will eventually lose someone very close to us, just by then you will understand. Spouse, and family members... losing them, yes both shares pain, grief, and we'd be bereaved, but in a different way.

So there's no point in comparing it. Thing is that we lost someone, someone we have given love to and received love from has died. And we are bereft.

Willy has become part of me. I'm mourning, inside and out. When he died, right beside me, part of me died too with him. I saw him, I was constantly at his side. I saw everything, from the very beginning, even before everything started.

When my grandfather, Lauw Kim Yao, passed away
I tried so hard not to cry because  I was afraid I'd make my already sad grandma become even sadder.
my grandma, though, is a strong person and she didn't cry in front of us as well.
I asked her, "how could you be so strong?"
and then she told me that my grandfather, had finished his job in this world, he had done well.

one week before he passed away, my grandfather wrote this:

"What came before God will return to God"

I wonder if he knew he'll return to God by then? like it's the time? Because Willy did something similar to me.

But you see,  I eventually cried during cremation, as of course, I was sad! He's my grandfather and I do love him as well. But now that I recall everything... it's totally different. All piece of me was still there. I lost my grandfather but not piece of me. My grandpa is my grandpa, not me. Like my mother is my mother, and my father is my father.

But Willy is part of me, I have this one dream, my first dream, that I want to have my own family, a warm one. So that I tried so hard to make Willy a good person, a prepared man who'd be ready for a family. Though in the progress I could be too harsh at times, oh Lord I hope Willy will forgive me for that... All in all, with his passing, it's like one of my dream is being taken away with him.

Though, slowly but sure I see the light coming.
This one happy Angel has always been with me
and I know I'm not really alone, I'm with my Father.
Crux sancta sit mihi lux!

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